When confronted with crises and overwhelming emotions such as fear, anxiety, shame, anger, or guilt, many people experience psychological turmoil and engage in negative self-talk. If left unmanaged, this internal chaos can lead to lasting tension and emotional harm. However, according to Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D.—a leading psychologist and author of Liking the Child You Love—there is a very simple, science-based technique that can help calm the mind in under a minute.
Self-Compassionate Self-Talk: A Science-Based Technique
Neuroscientific research shows that speaking to ourselves with kindness and empathy activates the brain’s calming centers, improving our emotional regulation and helping us regain psychological balance.
Dr. Bernstein recommends a three-step formula to use in emotionally intense moments:
1. Name the Feeling and Accept It
Rather than denying or suppressing your emotions, gently acknowledge them to yourself:
“This is hard. It’s an uncomfortable feeling.”
2. Remember Shared Humanity
Remind yourself that you’re not alone:
“A lot of people feel this way. This is part of being human.”
3. Rewrite Your Mental Narrative
Shift how you view yourself:
“It’s tough, but I’m trying—and that matters.”
Real-Life Applications
Dr. Bernstein shares examples from his practice that illustrate how this technique works:
A mother feeling guilty after arguing with her child:
Instead of drowning in self-blame, she told herself:
“It was a tough morning, but this mistake doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I can apologize and try to do better.”
A student overwhelmed with anxiety after a class presentation:
She reminded herself:
“Feeling uncomfortable is normal, but showing up took courage—and that’s valuable.”
An employee who missed a deadline:
By taking responsibility and shifting her inner dialogue, she said:
“I made a mistake, but it’s not the end. I can make it right.”
Self-compassion doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility—it’s a healthy way to confront emotions, reduce shame, and build emotional resilience. This technique not only brings instant relief but also fosters better relationships and greater self-confidence.
Our Suggestion for Difficult Days
If you’re going through an emotional crisis—even right now—pause for a few seconds, speak kindly to yourself, and rewrite your mental story. You may be just one minute away from a calmer mind and a lighter heart.
Dealing with Collective and Natural Disasters
In extreme situations such as natural disasters (floods, earthquakes, fires) or the chaos of war, accepting fear and stress as natural, instinctive human responses is essential—and feeling no shame for these reactions is equally important.
Human beings are biologically equipped with natural defense mechanisms that help us avoid abnormal behaviors that could endanger our physical safety. Fear and anxiety, in such cases, serve a protective function.
Many reactions during crises are driven by the nervous system’s split-second analyses, and these instinctive responses—such as crying, shouting, or screaming—not only help release emotion but also protect the body from the shock’s harmful effects.
Staying Calm Helps Everyone
In the second stage, it’s crucial to understand that maintaining calm during a crisis not only enables better decision-making but also allows you to support family, friends, and colleagues.
Each person finds calm differently—whether through prayer, remembering a loved one, listening to music, seeking physical comfort in a family member’s embrace, or other deeply personal strategies. These methods are highly individual and not universally applicable or prescriptive.
Uncontrolled chaos leads to conflict, social friction, and the worsening of crisis situations. Therefore, it is recommended that each person discover what brings them personal calm—and actively use it to prevent social disorder and minimize the damage caused by the crisis.
